running scared

on saturday, my volcanology class hiked mt. etna. it was about two hours straight up, but it was fine--luckily i've been doing an hour of calisthenics every morning, plus running 10 miles every other day.
wait, all of that is a lie.
the truth is, my running "career" has..how shall we put this..skidded out a bit. i mean, i'm still trying: every day i walk five minutes to school, walk up about 20 stairs, and am on a strict diet of 4,000 carby calories. (last part was kind of a joke...kind of).
i know that one day when this dreams ends (actually, in less than a month...whaaa), i kind of have to get serious about training. i haven't gotten too far outside the fitness orbit, but wanna have a successful senior season, blah blah blah.
so my roommate found this group of runners, and she asked if i wanted to try. this was a sink or swim situation. my first thought was, "i should do it once before i leave." my second thought was, "i will have to wake up at 5 am." one won out. my alarm went off at 5:08 am tuesday morning.
i was planning to hit snooze but was suddenly paralyzed with fear. maria had promised me that they go "slow" and only do "between 10k and 15k" at a time. okay, so...anywhere from 6 miles to 9ish. COOL. my weekly mileage has been..oh, i don't know, somewhere fluctuating between 0 and 2.5 for about three months.
but i went. and i was shaking. maria had told the group--anywhere from 5 to 20 tiny Italian marathoners, gym-owners, runner's world models, etc.--that i would be coming, and they were excited to meet me. walking from home to the bridge where they meet i just kept repeating this phrase over and over in my head, practicing: "mi dispiace, sono stanca, voglio fermata." i'm sorry, i'm tired. i want to stop.
on the way to the bridge we ran into skinny runner couple #1, who are 45 and 50 and both hovering around 100 pounds and 25 years old in looks. they kissed me on both cheeks. i thought, you might be the last people to kiss my cheeks. because, you know, i might die.
a little white car pulled up beside us, and pepe, wearing a large raincoat and spandex to my tank top and short shorts, leaned out the window and told us to hop in. the bridge was about ten feet away, but these people like to do a strange thing: every morning before they meet the others, they drive around the island for five or ten minutes blasting italian music. they sing. loudly. i relaxed a little, letting my ears swallow the sound, because, you know, it might be the last music i heard. it wasn't a bad last song, either. but let's not get too morbid.
so we started. three minutes in i realized that "slow" for these people is actually rather "fast" for me. well, "fast" now that i considered climbing the stairs to my apartment three times a day a great form of fitness. i looked at maria. she was boppin along. cute running couple looked like they were sleepwalking, and pepe was high stepping. i immediately regretted that maria and i hadn't set up some sort of secret signal so she would know when to call the ambulance. could i shout? if i said it in english, would it be less embarrassing?
this all sounds very dramatic. because it was. i half-expected the rocky theme song to be playing from every passing car. my legs seized up. my chest was tighter than lisa rinna's face (gotttttem!). we were six minutes in.
well, i didn't die. the wife of the cute couple, thank god, has some sort of heart condition that means she can only go fast for a short period of time before resuming human running pace. i hung with her. every few seconds her watch beeped to let her know her heart was still kickin in a good way, and i let that rhythm guide me for the next 45 minutes. i have never, ever, ever, ever, ever been so happy to see that white car. i am dead serious about that.
we slowed down a bit at the end, and carlo said, "jessica...10k piu? i...buy for you...grande gelato...con panne...if you come 10k with me..."
CARLO.
how did he know i was a sucker for whipped cream?
but no. i politely declined, because i am sure carlo wouldn't have much appetite for gelato after seeing me splayed on the street crying.
they said they want to take us out to pizza before we leave.
they are meeting again tomorrow. i am going.
because...you guys...pizza...duh.