heat heat heat

my heat is broken. OHNO OHNO OHNO OHNO. oh no. take my money. take my laptop. but please, please, please don't take my heat.
i'll admit it, it was my fault. i'm a fiddler. i fiddled with it, the thermostat, and then the screen went blank. as i lunged, slow-motion, nooooooooooooo, a single tear ran down my cheek. or it would have, but it froze halfway down.
since i do not like frozen tears, i shed a few liquid ones for good measure. because if i had to take one more "shower" with the fucking tea kettle i was going to die.
i reason with myself. i think, "okay, your apartment is a tundra, but YOU'RE IN PARADISE."
like:
"so maybe the only sleeping position that renders you only mildly cold rather than arctic fucking freezing is knees to chin which happens to constrict your breathing. but you walk ten minutes to school every day ALONG THE SPARKLING MEDITERRANEAN.
or:
"so what if you have to wear a ski hat, ski socks and mittens to enter the kitchen? a sweet italian man let you feed ice cream to his fat dog today!"
or:
"yeah, the thirty seconds it takes for your hair to 'dry' (relative term) between your freezing tea kettle shower and your icy bed is the equivalent of having each eye slowly gorged out with plastic spatulas. BUT THE CANNOLI..."
you get the idea.
i love this place. i really do. but getting out of bed at any point in the day is mindfuckingly excrutiating. it's not that it's not warm outside; in the sun, it's actually hot. but considering my apartment is like most italians--kind of dark, bellowing and tucked away from direct sunlight--it's really just an icebox.
i was supposed to meet some friends at the school at 4 pm yesterday, so i set my alarm for 3:30 after siesta (which, i should mention, might be my favorite thing so far about italy...) but then I COULD NOT GET OUT OF BED. as in, NO WAY IN HELL AM I LOSING ONE CUBIC CENTIMETER OF BODY HEAT BY SHIFTING IN ANY CARDINAL DIRECTION. so i didn't go.
because sometimes, whether you're in italy or the bahamas or on the moon, you just have to watch greys anatomy (season one, before meredith started crying all the time for no reason, you know, the good season) in bed, with your knees curled up to your chin, breathing into your hands. sometimes you have to focus on merely functioning. sometimes, before you can appreciate the mindblowing beauty of your surroundings, before you can stand in a patch of sunlight and watch the waves crash against the rocks, wondering how you got so lucky, you have to learn to appreciate how you got there.